June 18th, 4:17 pm PT
Moving back home after being in LA for 2 years.
The anxiety that comes with moving back home is having to deal with parents again lol. Sorry but not sorry.
It’s feeling like I’m going backwards in life.
Continuing to remind myself that this is just a pit stop. I’m here for a reason and a season.
Soooooooooooooooooo
Life…. right…
Adulting
So much fucking fun
And in between all of the waiting and all of the waiting lol
Life still goes on
And things happen where I can become distracted in my plans
People, places, and things….
Life
4 days before the move
JUNETEENTH
9:00 pm PT
@The Hollywood Bowl w/ T-Pain and Friends
It gets overwhelming when my mind wants to keep everything and I’m telling it to toss this, donate that, and you know you don’t need this.
Every. Other. Minute.
It gets very overwhelming
—-
And now I’m at the Hollywood Bowl
Thanking the stars I brought my thickest hoodie and my bubble coat.
Side note: the girl that’s sitting beside me birthday is today. The girl who said my birthday was Sunday just said, “Everybody hates us” Us as in Geminis lmao
Did I jump in?
I normally would but I’m high right now.
I’m quiet as a mouse and I’m trying not to eat all my Pringles at once. I’m halfway done with the can.
Of course, I brought more snacks
This is over by 11 pm
Hi!! If you like what you’re reading so far… Please subscribe to get the Life Post and any Naked Truth updates straight to your email! Thank you <3
It’s 9:05 pm
And I probably won’t get home til midnight.
Soooo what was I talking about?
(Scrolling up)
Moving…
Ugh I don’t wanna talk about that
Okay it’s 3 Geminis by me … secretly 4 … that’s me
And the man that’s beside the Gemini to the right of me… is a Sagittarius lol…
See you all tomar
No more moving talk
Promise
June 20th, 2024 10:41 am PT
MY DAMN APARTMENT BUILDING JUST TURNED OFF THE WATERRRRRR
AND I HIRED A TASK RABBIT TO CLEAN MY KITCHEN 😭😭😭
What the fuck!!
so I’m walking to Food 4 Less for water
I was able to fill up my big and medium-sized pots with water and that’s it.
The building sent out the text at 7:09 am. I read it at 8:55
It’s hot as hell and I don’t have my umbrella and sunglasses
What the fuckkkkk
June 21st at 12:36 am PT technically but because I haven’t gone to sleep yet it’s still June 20th to me
Mmm no talking about moving
Had dinner with a dear friend of mine. We interned together back in 2019 and she’s also from DC.
We bumped into each other at an event and I’m so excited and grateful that that night happened.
Talking to her and being emotionally vulnerable about how fearful and scared I am… is refreshing. Something I’m grateful for. At times it can be hard to release my fears… in fear that once I do I’ll drown in them and won’t be able to come up for air.
—-
Even though I try my best to be like, “I’m alright! Everything will be okay.”
There’s a part of me that just wants to melt and grieve and be a ball of emotion.
To be honest I want someone to tell me it’s okay to grieve this moment. It’s okay to just break down without having to put a smile on my face after the clock strikes 5.
I know no one is technically asking me to put a smile on my face.
But I just feel like there’s no emotional place for me to just drop.
Yes, I can do it for myself… but there’s something about being in someone’s presence.
The comfort of someone else.
As the night continued…
She helped me place my bed stuff outside for the city to pick up in the morning.
After we dropped everything outside and got back in the elevator. A wave of sadness hit me.
“WOW, I’m really doing this,” I say to myself in my head
“It will be okay,” she says
I don’t know why I’m making this move. How does this puzzle piece fit into the story of my life? 5 years from now when I look back on this time will I know why this move happened?
*sigh*
I just want to sob and feel everything but of course, I have to finish up here… in my apartment.
Maybe I’ll sob in the hotel tomorrow.
*sigh*
June 22nd, 2024 12:26 am PT
As I said yesterday I didn’t go to sleep yet so it’s still June 21 to meeee.
You know what I never wanna do again!?
Move by myself!
I know u said no more moving talk but Mannnn let me tell you
I was sweating like someone took my lunch money and I had to find some way to tell my mom.
Like bruh the amount of back and forth I did to donate this and drop off this. The boxes and stuff I had to carry.
I know I’m Barbara the Builder but honey Barbara is tired.
Thank goodness I asked my friend Jasmine to help me take my bed outside for the city to pick up last night.
If I had to do that today!
After the move was finally finished… I had a conversation with my apartment.
Letting her know I will miss her. I will miss the times we had together and I will miss the person I became in her house.
My apartment number equaled up to 10.
A complete cycle.
I told her that my time with her was ending.
Has ended.
—
It may sound weird to talk to my apartment. But that was my first ever apartment by myself.
Before I moved in I was terrified. ( A little bit of how I feel now… mmm) I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to afford her. The extra expenses would pile up and I would end up getting evicted. I was terrified because this was the first time I was solely responsible for something as big as an apartment. That’s a huge responsibility.
A year later, I paid all my bills, and I didn’t get evicted. I was able to budget and have fun times outside. I learned how to have fun with cooking. I enjoyed it so much, that I accidentally made my personal social media into a pescatarian cooking show lol. I made my apartment feel cozy and vibrant with the essence of relaxation.
(What if … what I fear is the signal that this is the area I need to walk into, to grow as a person? (Not the fear that will put you in harm’s way. The type of fear that’s pushing you to do something you’ve never ever done before.))
There’s something magical about living by yourself for the first time. The conversations you’ll have with yourself will surprise the hell out of you. Lmao
Because you now have quiet time with you and your thoughts you come to terms with things faster. There are not a lot of distractions that help you run away from yourself.
It’s a beautiful experience.
—-
I was gifted a gift card to this upscale spa and the place is only located in Los Angeles. So I had to get in there before I left town.
If you’ve never been to a spa YOU HAVE TO GO!
I got a firm Swedish Massage. Out of this world. My goodness. The lady who massaged me was doing her thing.
It was such an intimate experience. Felt like a deep hug.
I felt so comforted. I felt so at peace… in the space of true zen.
I highly recommend getting a massage when you need closeness or intimacy with another person. The skin to skin contact is sometimes what we are craving. Touch deprived. Think about it.
——
Now I’m in a Lyft after dropping off my Zipcar, on the way to my hotel for the night.
If you thought I was moving out and going to the airport all on the same day!!
You’re wildn!! Lmao
Having to go to the airport and move out all in one day is ludicrous. I split them up so I could rest and not stress.
Tomorrow… me and my four suitcases will be going to LAX.
This is not a goodbye.
Just See You Later
June 22, 2024, 12:06 pm
I’m at LAX w/ a double shoot of a moscow mule with an order of fish tacos and onion rings and water of course
I wish I had a pen and paper to write these thoughts down.
To feel the flow of my thoughts
I’m nervous as fuck
My mind is chill it’s like “be mellow. You got this. It will be okay.”
My body on the other hand is going through it
I have this “gas bubble” in the middle of my chest that won’t go away
I say “gas bubble” because I don’t think it’s one.
I’ve burped like Shaggy at the hotel. Farted like Scooby and it’s still coming back
I’ve even taken a Gas X pill and it’s still there
My body is freaking out
I wish I had a joint (I always feel so weird saying that lol) or an edible.
That’s why I have the moscow mule.
In hopes, my body will calm down.
I’m at the LAX airport at this restaurant called Rock & Brews.
Pause… why do restaurants put cheese on top of the beans? Why is that a thing
Hold on I’m about to eat at 12:12 pm PT
It’s 4:21 pm PT and I’m on the plane
I spoke with my sister.
I told her about my nerves…
She said you’ve done this before why are you nervous.
Moving to California was Me vs Me. Moving back home is Me vs Them.
I will always love my family.
There is something about wanting more for yourself… for myself and working on it and there being an air of…
That’s unattainable.
I don’t think the energy is there on purpose but it’s there.
In the words that are used. It’s in the behavior.
It’s like it’s woven into my family that anything bigger than us can’t be achieved.
I was talking to my cousin about that.
Being on the road less traveled makes you feel like no one is truly in your corner.
Breaking generational traumas to learn how to appreciate the times of joy.
I don’t know if anything I’m saying makes sense to anybody else’s ears but mine.
I was so tired and so ready for my nerves to kick to the wind that I fell asleep before the plane even took off.
I’m jumping from place to place…
I don’t have any last words for today.
It’s 4:54 pm PT I’m up in the sky.
Maybe I’ll have the last words later tonight
Who knows.
I just feel like I have something to say but don’t know how to let it out.
June 28, 2024 3:23 pm EST
It’s almost been a week since I landed on the tarmac of BWI.
When I landed in Baltimore, I knew I made the right decision.
Maybe it’s because I grew up here but I feel like I’m in the right place.
Since I was a teenager, I always felt like the DMV held nothing for me. What I wanted for my life I couldn’t achieve here.
Now deciding to become a sexologist, a sex educator and a sprinkle of being a mental health counselor.
It was financially wise to move back home. I’ll always be grateful to my parents for allowing me to live with them while I go through this transition.
*sigh*
I’m in the process of trying to let things be as they may.
Trying my best not to rush. (Easier said than done)
Even though a chapter has closed. I don’t think it’s a goodbye.
See you soon for Chapter 3 in August.
p.s. I watched Eat, Pray, Love on the plane for the first time. When it was over I sobbed like a baby. Great movie. I think that was me grieving. I related to that movie so much. I need the DVD. Yes, the DVD.
See you soon
From,
Sabryn 💋
Leave a comment