If you haven’t read part 1 click here

1:01 am Jan 2, 2025

I was supposed to clean my room

I started journaling

I wanted to journal with the time stamp of Jan 1

And now I’ve finished journaling, I turned off my side lamp and now I’m talking to you

Hi.

Why is it when you’re getting dressed and already know what you’re wearing your room still ends up looking like a “tornado flew around my room”?

Let’s see how long I’ll write for… that’ll determine if I clean my room before I go to sleep.

—-

Now this may sound cheesy

I do feel like this year will be special

I feel like this year has magic in it

The magic is me motherfuckers

Like I’m finally stepping into shoes that’s been calling my name for centuries and I’m now just hearing it

(If you thought Cinderella same but I’m way cooler than she is lol)

Last night was amazing. I had more fun than I thought I was gonna have.

I went to a New Year’s Eve party by myself and I wasn’t a wallflower

plays shocker music

Dun Dunnnn

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I’m shocked too

The times I’ve gone to a party by myself I have been literally on the wall honey

Just standing there vibing to the music but no dancing involved

I be feeling so awkward

But last night I was in my own little world

I chatted with people in line

I chatted with people inside the venue

I did catch myself wanting to hang by them because I did come by myself

Being a woman at a big-ass function by myself is a little scary.

Hate that that’s the case ya know. Gotta keep my peas and ques and head on a swivel.

Thankfully the venue I went to had security on lock okay. They were everywhere.

After having the thought that I came by myself and wasn’t tied to someone I just started to roam the room.

Once the countdown was over the music got to bumpin’ LMAOOOOO “bumpin’”

Before the countdown, the music sucked, to be honest. It was cold inside and the music reminded me of it. Every other 3rd song was good. Everyone just standing there like a Sim that doesn’t wanna cook itself nothing to eat.

The funny thing is I’m used to doing things by myself. However, it’s something I’ve had to get reaccustomed to. I normally go to the movies, museum exhibits, workshops, and things of that nature by myself.

But I don’t know, coming back home I thought because I have family and some friends here that I wouldn’t have to do those things by myself. Buttttttttt that wasn’t the case so I’ve had to remind myself that I can have fun by myself. Going to a big ass party was the thing I wanted to challenge myself with and BABY DID I HAVE A BALL.

Just being in my own world. Swaying my hips to the music. Rapping bar for bar to the rap songs. Looking at people krump dancing. Watching girls hype up their girlfriends. Watching other people observe the crowd. Watching people act like they are receiving a dance. (This is a weird trend. Can it please stop it’s so cringe)

—-

When I was a young girl I loved watching Coyote Ugly on my VHS. Every time the Coyotes came on my screen I was memorized by the clothes, the dancing, and the fierce confidence they each possessed and owned in their own unique way. To me they were the human representation of Bratz.

From Top to Bottom (Character Names): Zoe, Lil, Rachel Violet, and Cammie

Leading up to that night I felt like the main character Violet. She’s a girl from a small town and goes to New York to become a songwriter. Bright eyed and bushy tail until she finds her way working at a bar that eludes sex, water hoeing irritating men, and dancing on the bar top as skilled as a 90’s Supermodel walking the catwalk.

Every time I watched the movie I was in awe. Wanting to be like the girls. They were unapologetic themselves and if you didn’t like it or if they didn’t like you… HIT THE FUCKING ROAD!

Getting ready for the night- I finally saw her. The Coyote in me and my goodness was it exhilarating.

And last night I felt like that. The essence of looking at yourself in the mirror makes you cum.

It amazes me how I got to this place of feeling like this about myself.

Picking myself when it came to hard ass decisions. Not making excuses for others and not leaving my feelings in the dust. Sticking to my standards and if it doesn’t meet up-seeing myself out.

It’s the little crumbs that end up making the full cake.

Ahhhhh (the sound: drinking a cold soda and it’s the noise you make cause of the strong fizz)

Entering the New Year by doing something I’ve been wanting to do and not waiting on others to give me an answer to decide what I want to do. Doing the thing I want to do by myself and learning to be okay with it.

Is a part of how my 2025 will look for sure.

Gotta stop daydreaming about it and just do it. Step out of my comfort zone. There’s life to live behind it.

Talk to you soon
-Love Sabryn 💋

1:32 am

I half way cleaned up my room

(Happy New Year, self confidence, blackgirlblogger, blackgirlswhoblog, finding self, life purpose, spiritual girly, deprogramming, self love, black bloggers dmv)