7:49 pm April 23, 2025

featured art created by Maya Milton| The Light Within| Mixed Media

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The lesson for today’s class is about Boundaries 

What is a boundary ?

It is something that protects your space, time, and energy. 

For example, I don’t feel like talking right now.

Another example, I don’t want to go to the store. 

Or I would like to have this time alone and then I will come and hang out with you but only once the show is over. 

Before therapy, I didn’t know those were boundaries. I didn’t think anything of it. Those are easy. Those don’t make me feel guilty. 

Someone really wants to go to Karoke with you but you don’t want to. Therefore you let them know you’d rather not do that activity.

That’s a boundary 

But for me, that’s a boundary that comes with guilt. 

Because after I say “no” your whole attitude and energy may change and that’s gonna mess with me. I’m going to feel all of that and, I wish I would’ve said “okay sure” but then saying that would be neglecting myself. 

It’s not a win-win. 

It’s a lose-lose. 

My therapist said the guilt goes away with time. As you keep doing it, you’ll feel better about choosing you. The emotion you’re feeling is not your emotion. Once that is recognized and understood, that emotion won’t be planted on you so deeply. 

I’m assuming that after a while I will unconsciously unroot the emotions that aren’t mine and just feel my own. 

Boundaries feel magical. 

Choosing yourself feels feral. 

It’s unfamiliar territory that makes me question my self-worth.

Am I worthy to ask for this? To say no to something? Am I allowed to do this? 

As a kid, adults guilt trip you into doing stuff you don’t want to do. Ughhh it’s so fucking annoying. You, the kid, trying to set boundaries and the adults walk all over them because they are bigger than you and/or because they are your parents. 

When you get older, you allow people to do the same thing to you because choosing yourself brings up that annoying feeling of guilt. 

A vicious cycle that’s a motherfucker to break. 

Boundaries.

Guilt-tripping.

Choosing self .

For the first time, I sent a guy a message. 

It was a message about how I didn’t want to speak to someone who wasn’t consistent in communicating with me.

I text him one day and then he went ghost for a whole week and popped back up like nothing happened. 

I will admit I did say something snarky but then I said, “Sabryn, be honest and say what ya feel.”

Normally I wouldn’t because…

Saying something I knew would make the relationship end or end up in confrontation that would make my skin crawl. 

I would start sweating so much because I was nervous.

Well, yes, nervous but really… I hated how speaking my truth would make me end up alone. By myself. Uno. Unus. Un. One. 

I was so afraid of it. Which is hard to wrap my head around because I’m the only child and I spent a lot of time by myself. 

Buttttttt it was more on the feeling of not being wanted. Of not being chosen.

Yuck

Yes, but it’s the truth. 

I knew I didn’t want to be treated a certain way but I would say nothing. I wouldn’t express my boundaries (time, energy, and space) because I was afraid in some shape or form… being abandoned 

(This shit just got deep lol)

No but really. After a while, that shit gets old and gets heavy on the heart and self-worth. 

Picking that shit up piece by piece is no cake in the walk. Still isn’t. 

How did I pick it up?

If I saw something I didn’t like I wouldn’t engage with that person. I would say,” This isn’t gonna work” and continue with my life

Reclaiming my time to do something else and keeping my space peaceful and calm. (Boundaries) 

I want to believe that after a while small actions like that help me mend my heart. Help me put it back together. Help me increase my self worth one hay straw at a time. 

Now I’m learning that boundaries can be placed on-not just romantic relationships -but also on family, friends, and strangers. Even pets! Yes, I’m looking at you. Always licking my ankles. Nasty

Okay

Yes, I’m really not an animal lover. Take out ‘really’. I’m not, I’ve tried.

Okay where were we?

Boundaries, yes.

At the moment, they are not easy and they are not easy to recognize but with some therapy homework. I’ll get to a place where it won’t feel nasty to set a boundary.  I’ll feel calm and I will go about my day without giving it a second thought. 

Peace out,

Say