April 28, 2025, 8:53 pm

I worked out today and it was one of those workouts where you feel sleepy afterward. 

So this will be sweet and short

—

I saw Sinners over the weekend (no spoilers here) 

I will say it scared the shit out of me. It’s not a classic horror film. There are many many layers to the film. How the film reflects the evolution of the world we have today. 

Wooooo

It’s like seeing the thing you’ve been trying to ignore. But then out of nowhere, it shows up and you can no longer ignore it. It hypnotizes you and you can only close your eyes when it ends. 

Really good film 

Highly recommend 

10/10 

…

I’ve been wanting things for so long that I feel like patience has grown onto my body and mind like a weed. 

I’ve been waiting to hear back from the University, I’ve been waiting for months to pass, and I’m waiting for a job interview to hit my inbox. I’m waiting. 

In the beginning it made me so anxious. Made me wanna jump out of my skin and just fly into the future. 

Now I’m like, “It’ll be what it is” 

I still do care. A part of me understands that my impatience will not move the future into the present. In addition, I’ll like to enjoy my day to day moments.

I can’t get this day and time back. 

Yes, I do at times look at the clock and be like “damn it’s only 1 pm” 

But there are things I enjoy doing as I wait for 5 pm to hit. 

I don’t know man… I don’t know person

Just… isn’t life supposed to be enjoyable even in the moments of boredom and mundane…

I see and feel how my life should be. Like seeing my future self in some aspects and I’m at the point where I’m wanting to be there. 

How do I get from here to there? 

No longer letting fear stop me 

No longer letting self-doubt stop me 

I’m ready to jump over the fence 

I still haven’t gotten over the fear of losing my job again… however this time… I know I’ll fight to be on my own. I know what’s at stake now. 

…how did we get here? To this topic? I don’t know….

Uhhh 

I’ll just leave my mantra here 

“you design the life you want to live”

I made that a year or so ago. I thought I understood it then… I think I’m finally coming around to fully understanding it now. 

See you tomorrow 

-Say mwah