9:27 pm April 29, 2025 

It’s gonna be May!! 

I haven’t seen anyone say that on the TL. May is this week. It’s cominggggg

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I feel like I need to map out what I’m going to talk about each day becauseeeeee once again I don’t know what to talk about

Ooo

I’m at the last few pages of my journal. I’ve been writing in it since November 2024. This morning I read some of the November writings and let me tell you, I have come a long way. 

I was afraid of everything and so shut down. I was just doing my best to put one foot in front of the other. 

Now I feel like I got this. Yea, I can most definitely quit but I know I won’t be satisfied. Quitting won’t give me what I’m looking for in life. Instead of doing that- I probably just need to rest.

How does that TikTok go… she probably needed a hug but instead, she baked 50 dozen cookies lol

Like relax

Go sit down and do nothing 

Mannnnn that took some time getting used to. Doing absolutely nothing. 

It would drive my body mad! It would be buzzing with anxiety trying to figure out what to do. 

Relax

You have nothing to do

Where do you have to go

Do you even have to do that or do you want to do that? If you don’t do that will someone get hurt? 

No?

Then lay back down. 

After I journaled, I went into a meditative state. It was automatic. I felt like I had to do it so I did. I was probably in the zone for about 5 minutes. I saw the color blue (throat chakra) I saw a field of grass, sunset, and sunrise (kinda reminded me of Sinners. But I think I’m still scared/captivated by the film) When I started meditating I was spinning. I felt like my root chakra was spinning really fast and my inner body was spinning fast too but at a slower fast. lol

Like I was recalibrating or something. I don’t know it was a weird sensation. I didn’t feel like I had to puke. 

Mmm

Meditating for about 5 or so mins and now I’m tired. I was already tired but now I really am. 

I wanted to watch the show Shrink on Apple TV, such a good show. I finally was able to get Apple TV for free for a month so I’m catching up on all the shows I wanted to see the 2nd season of. Shrink and Severance. Uhhhh I can’t wait to see season 2 of Severance. I’ve been hearing how good it is. 

Can we talk about how the members of the Oscars are now required to watch ALL OF THE MOVIES BEFORE VOTING IN A CATEGORY!!!!

What the fuck! 

How do…

Shouldn’t that have already been a part of the rules? What were they going off of? The honor system? Wow! That really shows you the party was rigged. I mean it’s not like we didn’t know it- i.e #Oscarssowhite.

To see it in the flesh is crazy. It’s like wow this whole time you were gas lighting us. 

So many actors and actresses and special  effects and costume designers and more were snubbed because the people who voted didn’t even watch ya damn film 

Just wow! 

Imma watch the Oscars next year to see if any of it even matters. Maybe I’ll even watch some of the films. Mmmmm that’ll give me a reason to finally get a movie pass

I have to get one 

I love summer blockbusters!! 

Mission Impossible is coming out! I love me some Mission Impossible. I’ve seen the first 6 so many times. I can watch it while going to sleep. (For people without anxiety, that means I watch it so much I’m not on pins and needles wondering what the hell is going to happen next. If I get too anxious watching something I fast forward to make sure nothing bad happens lol) 

Then Accountant 2 comes out! Action-packed already and the summers not even here yet

Yea, I gotta go and get it. 

But first I need these concert tickets.

See ya tomorrow 

-Say xoxox mwah