10:11 pm May 14, 2025

Hey y’all, 

This week has been a rocker and it’s only  Wednesday. 

Warning-speaking about death. I’ll let you know when it’s over. 

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On Monday, I was told that my coworker had passed away. They were in the hospital for a good minute. I truly thought they would get better and come home. 

Sadly, that did not happen. 

Experiencing death is new for me. 

I chose not to go to funerals as a kid. I’d rather remember the person as alive and vibrant. Seeing someone in the casket is too real for me. It’s too much of an out-of-body experience for me.

My first funeral was my Godmother’s, and her funeral rocked me to my core. She was my girl growing up. I idolized her. Her deep, dark complexion matched mine. It matched mine in a way that I felt so beautiful when I was around her. 

I loved how she carried herself with grace, love, and so much compassion. I wasn’t her child biologically, but man, I felt as though I was. 

When I was in LA, I felt like she was watching over me. There would be times I thought I saw her, and I would do a double take and of course it wasn’t her. But the person I mistaken her for… I could do nothing but stare for a few seconds longer. Staring in awe and thanking her for looking over me. 

Then, a few months back, my Dad’s father’s wife passed away. I saw her body and I froze. I didn’t mean to see it. It’s weird to see a body and know the spirit/soul is no longer present. 

It’s odd to talk about someone who was just here. You were talking to them not that long ago. It’s an odd thing to wrap my brain around. 

So it’s been hard wrapping my brain around that 

(It’s over) 

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Update on the Brown Guy: 

Yeah, that’s over 

Ummm

*sigh*

What can I say? lol

I did end up sending him a text 

“… okay i took my break… being tired and working with idiots today has apparently turned me into 😬

Let’s just erase this convo from our minds and move on. That would be lovely” 

That was on Friday… last Friday 

And then I texted him on Monday asking him did he pick a place for Tuesday. 

I received no response 

Ahhhhhhhh

Yes, I can say there’s more fish in the sea because there are. There’s more people out there for sure. 

In the same breath, I’m still getting used to meeting people in person to exchanging numbers, having a conversation and then nothing. 

It’s different than the apps. 

On the apps, there is a method to the madness. Small talk for a few days or so, and then meet in person. 

If someone ghosts you, there is another person a swipe away. There’s someone else there to put a bandage on the sting of getting ghosted! 

I have to say I am one for not ghosting! Say you don’t wanna talk anymore and then move on. Ghosting is soooo wrong. 

Soooooo, him not texting back did sting. 

Like, if you don’t wanna talk anymore, then say that. 

(Eye roll) 

I was disappointed, and I did feel like I fumbled so hard. 

“Damn Sabryn”

But then I remembered the amount of times I have had a slow moment with people I am talking to and we continue talking. We joke about it and we just move on.

If Brown Guy couldn’t handle that slow moment, man oh man, he can’t handle the rest of them lls

Soooo (yes, I said it again) onto the next person 

He was a door

That shut pretty quickly 

But a learned lesson

To keep moving forward when the door gets slammed shut and to remember to have fun!

It was so fun talking to you about the whole saga lol

I will continue to walk up to cuties and get their number 

I do enjoy being the initiator/ the pursuer. It’s fun and so damn exciting. It’s such a natural high to walk up to a guy, get his name and number, and walk away. 

For the ones that have the gumption, they will walk up to you before you leave and make conversation. Or they may ask for a dance. Either way, the ball is in my hands. 

As women, we are always told we have to wait for the man. We have to wait for him to engage with us. We have to wait to propose. We have to wait blah blah blah 

What if we don’t want to wait anymore? 

Now I’m not for proposing to a man for marriage. There are some things I’m still traditional on. If you gotta propose then you might wanna find a new man. 

For the modern side of me, when I wait, the guys who show up are guys I’m not attracted to. It feels like if I keep waiting, I’m never gonna get pleased. 

I’ve had the experience of being very much so attracted to the person I was dating and my goodness I never want to go back. 

I’ve never been so…

…with someone. I was starting to think I was asexual, demisexual, or something lol

Now….I don’t think that’s the case 

(Blush) 

Yes, I do need compatibility, good head on shoulders, nice, blah blah blah, it’s just now I want to make sure I’m sexually attracted to them as well. 

*swing my hair* 

Chip Chip Cheerio 

I’m just a sweet girl looking for someone to grow with. Whatever that looks like. 

I’m not one to be in something just because. That’s boring. 

I’m one that needs it to have a purpose, a reason for it to be in my life. For this relationship to be in my life. 

Whenever and whoever that time or person comes to be… is when it does. 

This time around I do wanna have fun in the experience of it all. Learning this new bold side of myself. The serious feelings and etc etc will come in due time. 

I just wanna focus on having fun while dating during this spring/summer time.

Is that so bad?

Talk to you next time 

Love ya 

-Sabryn <3 mwah