6:07 pm March 29, 2025 

I think because this 30 day/post will end soon my urge to write has decreased. 

I don’t like endings. They make me sad. Even if I know “happiness” or something good is on the other side… I’m still sad. 

It’s the end of something. Something concluding. 

Ughhhhhh

But we aren’t there yet. We have 5 more posts left. 

_____

On my way to work today, I was thinking about doors. 

How some doors open so easy and others feel like you need a SWAT team to open up. 

For some time now I’ve felt like if you need a SWAT team then maybe you should look somewhere else. 

If that opportunity was right for you it would have opened up to you like cutting butter. 

Mmmmm

Sometimes it hasn’t opened up because the timing is off.  

Maybe you should take time off from doing that thing. 

For example, I would play the Simpsons game on my DSi. For the life of me, I couldn’t pass certain levels. That game is hard ass hell! 

I would switch out the game for Mario Karts. A game I knew I could beat. Days later I would come back to the Simpsons game and still freaking lose. 

I was over it!

I’m surprised I didn’t trade the game in. It felt like every 2 games I had the urge to break my DSi! This is a game for kids. Why is it so damn hard to beat. 

I would leave it alone for months until I forgot why I hadn’t played it in so long. 

Once I picked it back up I would win that hard-ass level. 

I would cheer in the backseat of my mom’s car! Excited as hell! 

That’s how I look at life-  a game. A game with secret passcodes, hidden passages, and people we need to talk to to unlock a new perspective on life. 

It’s all a game. 

And sometimes that game has some hard-ass levels. 

What do you do? 

I think it’s key for people to go back and see how they were able to get through that hard level of life. 

Were they around a group of people? 

Did you do a daily activity? 

Did you do something out of the norm? 

See if you can find a pattern. 

For me, it’s a mix of things. 

It’s being consistent while also taking breaks. 

Hanging out with people so I won’t be consumed by the emotions that are consuming me. 

Do a hobby of mine that I enjoy

Sometimes it is just luck and being in the right place. 

Why am I talking about this?

Because I have been waiting for some doors to open. I have been wiggling door knobs and nothing of substance has come out. 

I’m thinking about quitting to be honest. Thinking to myself maybe I should stick with what I have know. 

Not saying I don’t deserve better or want better. 

But maybe time needs to pass for that door to finally open. 

I was jiggling doors for about 3 years before I landed my job in Hollywood. 

Sometimes if it’s meant to be it’ll come… just not on the timeline you want. If you really want it, keep working at it. The day will come. If your desire for it falls… that’s alright. 

Pivot. Pivot until you land on something that makes your heart sing. 

That’s what I’ve learned to do. 

-Say 

Xoxoxo